下雨天了 怎麼辦 我好想你

我不敢打給你 我找不到原因

為什麼失眠的聲音 變得好熟悉

沈默的場景 做你的代替 陪我等雨停

期待讓人越來越疲憊

誰和我一樣 等不到他的誰

愛上你 我總在學會寂寞的滋味

一個人撐傘 一個人擦淚 一個人好累

怎樣的雨 怎樣的夜 怎樣的我能讓你更想念

雨要多大 天要多黑 才能夠有你的體貼

其實沒有我

你分不出哪些差別

結局還能多明顯

別說你會難過

別說你想改變

因為被愛的人不用道歉

when i feel troubled.. i realised i like to clean my room...

clear out the wardrobe, the random drawers and scrub the floor...

throw out things, in the hope that i'll throw out my emotions...

my room's sparkling.. i'm hoping my heart is...

if only things were that simple.

when u're alcohol intoxicated,

you say things you really want and would never dared say when u're sober...

it's funny how that mechanism in your mind works...

but i'm glad i did... cos i've been wanting to say that for awhile...

sometimes when i meet people i disliked, i wish i was drunk...

so i can stop pretending to be nice...

it's a pretentious world and industry i live in... hah.

how does anyone stay happy all the time anyway?

bright and cheery...

even neon light-sticks go out in 8 hours..

and darkness falls..

and you end up back to where you were from the beginning...

i realised that love is like a disease that no one wants to get rid of...

those who catch it never try to get better...

those who suffer from it... do not wish to be cured...

it's so damn dumb! but when we love...

we always end up looking like the stupidest person in the world.

why do we wanna look stupid?

i even despise stupid people...

Unlike fairy tales,

in real life, love has to be possible.

Even if it’s not returned right away,

love can only survive when the hope exists that you will

eventually be able to win over the person you desire.

so what happens when u lose that hope?

and you're just going through the motions...

wanting to give up.. but can't bear to....

so maybe... love is nothing more than just the foolishness of our childhood fairytales...

and probably it's time... we all woke up.

rise and shine... pretty face!

it all comes down to it just being pointless..
lying through your teeth...

doing whatever you want is fine..
but lying...
i cannot take...

If words could express how much you feel about someone...
then I’ll be able to write an essay about you.

But I probably won’t even manage a paragraph.

Effort and sacrifices are more significant than alphabets stringed together.
It’s worth more and lasts forever.
Marks the memory like a scar on your skin.
It’ll always be there like the air you breathe.

But it can all come to a close, when you don’t see it.
Searching for the one who loves, deems tougher than choosing the one to love.

I feel like I’m dreaming… maybe even floating through my days….
I seem to have lost all focus on anything and everything…
I can’t think straight, I can’t concentrate…
I caught myself staring into space a couple of times…
And I almost walked right into the tracks at the MRT station…

I’m just going to places everyday… cos I’m supposed to.
I’m doing things everyday.. . cos I’m supposed to.
I’m dealing with things everyday… cos I’m supposed to.
I’m even saying the words everyday… just cos I’m supposed to.

Not because I want to…

I’m forgetting important dates and deadlines.
I’m forgetting what needs to be followed up just from the day before about work or school.
I’m forgetting where I place things around the house, when I just bought them.

Will I lose myself one day? Maybe I’ll just forget who I am when I wake up tomorrow.
There are so many things in my head that I just want to do… yet my feet stays plastered to the ground…
I don’t move, and my brain doesn’t work...

I’m lost and tired.
What exactly of, I don’t know.

2 posts that was written a while ago, but too busy to put up...
here it goes..

I’ve been recently overwhelmed by weddings.

The gorgeous bridal gowns, immaculate men in suits, pretty flowers, luxury wedding bands, numerous carat diamond rings.
The walk down the aisle, the look in their eyes, their shared vows, the sacred kiss, welcoming the mister and missus.
The ‘seal-of-love’ ritual done in ONE day.
I’ve heard ‘getting married is easy, but staying married isn’t’.

How would you know it’ll last forever? Ok. Nothing ever lasts forever.
But what about the shared vows that say, ‘till death do they part’.
How would you know it’ll at least last till then?

I pondered over the thought on ‘how would you know this is the man you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with?”
I asked, and was told “You’ll know it when you meet him.”

She knew it when she met him…
He courted her for 3 years, before she decided to give it a try.
And they spent the next 4 years together…
He proposed, she contemplated for a while, but gave in to ‘THE ONE’ in her life.
She felt he was THE ONE…
They went through marital bliss…
Had their first beautiful daughter, and then came another…
But he found life outside marriage more interesting and so they drifted…
And then it broke and shattered.

So what if he spent 7 years of time and effort, hoping she’ll spend the rest of her life with him?
And then betray those sacred vows they once made and believed in…

“You’ll know it when you meet him”
How trustworthy is that anymore?
How much is there to believe in that statement anymore?

I asked again, and was told “People eventually change through the years… You’ll never be able to expect or be guaranteed of anything everlasting, not even love.”

Then why would anyone want to ever believe in something that might change and leave you with an extreme amount of hurt, disappointment and loneliness?

I was told again that “I guess everyone is just going through the motions of life. Court, date, get married, have children, grandchildren, till death comes knocking.”

Then what meaning is there left anymore?

Two souls met a long time ago, way before their bodies do.

According to Plato, the great philosopher,

“With the birth of humans, which looked nothing like how we are now, the man and woman, two different souls, shared one body.
Two heads, four arms and legs, just like two entities joined back to back. The other person was always there.”

“They could walk on forever, since if one pair of legs tire, the other pair would take over.
They possessed ultimate mental and physical strength, and didn’t need the help of any other.”

“But the Greek Gods were displeased with this powerful ‘creature’, which had no need on depending on anyone else, but themselves.
They felt that they were too strong to be overpowered.”

“One particular Greek God could no longer stand the threat, and he used a strong lighting bolt to separate the ‘creature’ into two.”

“Lost are the mental and physical strength.
“Lost are the constant needs of dependence.”

“One would walk on and on, and tire, looking for their other half.”

The belief of soul-mates, were always like some fictional fairytale that lasted forever.
What makes you believe that this fictional fairytale does exist?

Fate does things in small ways that sparks many different emotions.
Happiness, excitement, hope, sadness, hurt, disappointment, guilt.
As long as you’re human, you’ve felt such extreme emotions in one point in your life.
But what exudes all these emotions combined into one?
Love.

Can someone make me believe that it can all come true?
Or do you have to believe in it yourself to let it all come true?

hokay.. i reckon i was on a damn bad emo streak in my previous entry..
hah. cos.. erm.. i'm happy for the moment...
i'm not saying why.. but yah.. HAPPY.

everything's still a mess with work and school..
and i'm still trying to keep up.
Gawd, i wish someone would help me..
or at least let me pay them so they'll do my assignments for me.

okok. i know.. it's NOT gonna happen.
oh well. no harm imagining right?

i hope the emo streak stays away, and doesn't come ever again..
which i know its simply impossible..
but i promise i'll keep it away for a while..

i miss....
zouk's saus and mash...
the chilli dog is irresistable.
crap.
i wanna go on wednesday.. not for mambo.. but just for the chilli dog..
can?!?!?!

ok goodbye.

is being honest the best policy?
is putting yourself out there, totally truthful about your feelings a right thing to do?
i'm a confused wreck. and a sick cow to be exact.
stop fucking my mind. stop putting me on a emotional roller-coaster.
i never ask doesn't mean it doesn't bother me..
i just don't wanna put pressure on you..
i just don't want to be a jealous-needy bitch.
but i don't wanna be hanging...
i can't concentrate on anything and everything..
why does it seem so hard for me? whilst u seem that everything's easy?
everyone's telling me to talk to you.
but whenever i try to approach the topic.
you run away.
i'm so scared i'll lose you altogether...
i SHOULD ask you. cos this ain't going anywhere...
ok.
maybe i'm just on an emo streak...maybe i should just STOP finding excuses for you.
its starting to take its toll on me..
i'm losing my grip.. i can't hold out much longer...

maybe i should just give up.
cos it seems you're just taking advantage of the situation.
taking advantage that i'm always there.

maybe .. just maybe...
its time i let go.
cos u don't care.
you never did anyways.. right?

i'll pick up the shattered pieces after.. cos that's what you always make me do...
it's no big deal yen.. it's no big deal..

how am i gonna get through this? its gonna hurt real bad... i know.

why am i even bothered by this?

why does it even bother me when he's upset about..somebody else?

when it happens, it's just like wrapping him up and giving him to someone else with both my darn hands.

i'm supposed to treat him like a friend...no?

i'm trying so damn hard, to not let it affect me.

but every single fucking time, it does!

and every single fucking time, i hate myself for it.

i'm happy the way things are, almost ecstatic, but it constantly bothers me when it's in my face.

i ignore, appear nonchalant..

pretend i don't see. but i usually do...

i pretend, so it looks like it's okay.

i'm good at pretending, no?

i'm so damn good that nobody sees through me..

maybe i should be proud of myself huh?

i tell myself it's okay..cos...it's a friend... normal friends don't get affected..

i'm not okay! deep down inside.. i just wanna scurry into a hole, hide myself and cry...

but i believe, maybe, just maybe.. i'm stronger than this...

i made the decision to make this the way it was, i'm supposed to suffer the consequences.

everytime it shatters, i just pick up the pieces..

mend it back and tomorrow is a fucking better day..

i don't know how long i'll be able to hold out like this.

i don't even know why i'm doing this.

but who can i blame huh?

i just can't pull myself outta of it...

i just can't let it all go...yet..

Just a lil’ update, there was an awesome party during the weekend at the Siloso Beach Resort…..and that’s sorta it.

Over to unhappier things..
Argh! I can’t believe this. Work is annoying the hell outta me!
What happens when shit hits the fan?
They think I can pull miracles outta my ass..
How smart.

Heath Ledger died on over-dose of drugs? What the hell…
Hollywood makes people go mental…
So rich… but mental
Tsk tsk…

Anyways I don’t like changes… not very typical for an Arien…
Ariens are supposed to be adventurous or something..
Not me…
Now, I just want things to go back to being the same…

I know it’s retarded …But yes, I want it the way it was…

I have no idea how my psychotic mind works…
It’s funny how you just give up on things…
It’s funny how you come to a point and suddenly it just doesn’t bother you as much as it did the previous week…
And I think time really works wonders…
Week by week, It slowly makes you forget…
Week 1 has gone by.. I think Week 2 would be better… I hope.

Okay yes, I admit, I do think about it at some point in a day… but I don’t have a heavy heart anymore…
I don’t feel like I need to do something about it anymore…

Cos I did what I did…
I did all I could…
But I guess things just have to turn out the way it did… I understand men have egos..
I used to think pride was everything too… everything I did, or wanted to do… I thought of my pride…
My principles.. my dumb principles..
I’m not saying it’s wrong to have principles..
But I stood by mine a lil’ too much…
I didn’t do what I felt I should cos I always had too much pride… too many principles…
Pride was FOREVER in the way…
Oh crap..

I put mine down this time…
It still screwed up…
So.. I decided..
If it happens, it happens…
If it doesn’t, fuck it…

I tried… all that I could…

Anyways on a lighter note..
I can’t wait to go shopping!! Cos Chinese New Year always gives you reason to buy new clothes..
And I lurve!!, cos I like to find excuses for myself to spend money..bwahaha.. bad habit.
Right.
Hahaha.. Dinner at my place.. (you-know-who-you-doodoo-peeps-are!)
You were supposed to come. But I guess not anymore.

I couldn’t bring myself to say it when I heard his voice.
But I know I had to..

And…
All of a sudden, I didn’t know what I was doing.
All of a sudden, I started to doubt myself.
All of a sudden, I think I felt lost.
All of a sudden, the courage that I had building up.. was all gone..

My mind went into a blank.
I just wanna turn back time and take back the things I’ve said.
But I know (its too late to apologise) now..

i guess i've mistaken you for somebody else..
Somebody who gave a damn..
Somebody more like myself..

Your thoughtless words just took me by surprise..

It became ‘me wanting it that way’..
It became him not wanting me to feel weird.
When that wasn’t what I meant..
I just wanted him to know that you can’t pretend nothing happened when you said what you said so bluntly.
I can’t help it if other people don’t feel, but I do.
I just wanted him to realise he was being insensitive.
I just wanted him to know how I felt.
It’s probably all wrong.. since it turned out the way it did huh…

But it’s too late now, is it?

i wish i had amnesia..

i'm sick of wondering..

i'm sick of waiting..

i'm sick of you running away..

i'm sick of it all...period