why am i even bothered by this?

why does it even bother me when he's upset about..somebody else?

when it happens, it's just like wrapping him up and giving him to someone else with both my darn hands.

i'm supposed to treat him like a friend...no?

i'm trying so damn hard, to not let it affect me.

but every single fucking time, it does!

and every single fucking time, i hate myself for it.

i'm happy the way things are, almost ecstatic, but it constantly bothers me when it's in my face.

i ignore, appear nonchalant..

pretend i don't see. but i usually do...

i pretend, so it looks like it's okay.

i'm good at pretending, no?

i'm so damn good that nobody sees through me..

maybe i should be proud of myself huh?

i tell myself it's okay..cos...it's a friend... normal friends don't get affected..

i'm not okay! deep down inside.. i just wanna scurry into a hole, hide myself and cry...

but i believe, maybe, just maybe.. i'm stronger than this...

i made the decision to make this the way it was, i'm supposed to suffer the consequences.

everytime it shatters, i just pick up the pieces..

mend it back and tomorrow is a fucking better day..

i don't know how long i'll be able to hold out like this.

i don't even know why i'm doing this.

but who can i blame huh?

i just can't pull myself outta of it...

i just can't let it all go...yet..