i can't seem to handle festivity blues.

i can't seem to figure why at every moment, i wanna cry my heart out.

as the clock struck 12, people were screaming, popping party poppers, laughing, hugging, practically exhilarated.

at that moment, i don't know why, but i wanted to disappear.

i wanted to hide under my covers at home.

i was at zouk.

amidst the huge throngs of people dancing to Ferry Corsten's set for the night,

i felt alone. i'm certain i wasn't happy. but why?

i have no idea why i'm feeling the way i am right now, and i wish someone would tell me.

i don't understand why i have so many bloody things going through my head.

honestly, i practically run away from it every day.

but it usually comes back to haunt me just as the sun sets.

how annoying.

all these just bottles up and it automatically stores itself in my system,

waiting for one day to be let out,

and i'm sure i'll be suffering from depression when that happens.

it's funny how i know the cause of the problem, the outcome as well,

but i just can't bring myself to solving it.

if i psyche myself to think that everything's not much of a deal if it doesn't kill you

i know i'll be able to get through this.

i know i can.

okay. i wish i can.

okay, i wish i can and i promise i will try.

hmm. doesn't sound too convincing anymore huh..

oh well, no one's gonna solve your problems but yourself.

yes, holding my hand and telling me "everything's gona be okay"

is a sweet gesture that makes me feel a million times better for..

5 full minutes.

but when i get home.

i'm all by myself again.

it helps, no doubt, but it doesn't give me a solution.

anyways..

merry christmas..

i needa crash.

and i needa blow my nose.

Laters